THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS – A PARTICULAR LAWYER RECEIVES GIFTS FROM HIS TRUE LOVE …..

Dear True Love ….

Day One

Many thanks for the lovely partridge and pear tree delivered to my home today.  As pleased as I am with the gift, I just wanted to check that if you are planning on eating the partridge for our Christmas dinner that you plan this in advance given that it is an offence to kill game on a Sunday or Christmas Day under Section 3 of the Game Act 1831.

Day Two

What a romantic sentiment – two turtle doves.  It put me in mind of our proposed nuptials.  I know I’ve mentioned it before, but we must discuss our pre-nuptial agreement which is now given more consideration in divorce proceedings following the case of Radmacher v Granatino.

Day Three

French hens!  That was a surprise today.  However, I do need to check the title deeds for my property to ensure that there are no restrictions on my keeping livestock and assuming that there are no more hens on the way, then as I am not obliged to register less than fifty hens with DEFRA, we should be fine to keep them at home.

Day Four

It was a surprise to receive more birds from you today in the shape of four blackbirds. I see you took the old English interpretation that these related to “colly” birds, i.e. “black” birds.  I am pleased that you settled on sending the blackbirds rather than starlings as you will remember that it is illegal to take starlings as they are fully protected under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 in England and Wales.

Day Five

Perfect!  After the previous four days, the five gold rings you sent today were more to my liking.  I trust that you did not find these, because if you did, you will remember that we may need to report these under the Treasure Act 1996.

Day Six

I notice that more birds have arrived today.  As much as I like the six geese a-laying, I was a little concerned as to where they came from given that it is an offence to disturb wild birds while near their nests under Section 1 of the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981.

Day Seven

Again, a lovely thought but I hope you remembered swans are again one of the protected species under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 …

Day Eight

I was surprised to find eight maids a-milking from you today.  Although they were very pleasant girls, I was a little concerned that my property doesn’t comply with the principles as set out in EU regulations for milking, storage, animal housing and health given that these requirements are extensive.

Day Nine

The ladies who arrived at my home yesterday gave me a bit of a shock and although I appreciated their enthusiasm and talents, their dancing all day and through the night had me troubled – should we have considered an entertainment licence under Section 1 of the Licensing Act 2003?

Day Ten

Oh my word!  Lords a-leaping!  It came as a shock today to find some familiar faces from court jumping madly outside my home. 

Day Eleven

I woke with a start this morning to the sound of bagpipes outside my window.  I presume that these eleven pipers were for my pleasure provided by you and that they did not require a busking permit.

Day Twelve

Unfortunately, with the bagpipers yesterday and the twelve drummers that arrived today, it came as no surprise that my neighbours telephoned the local authority to report the nuisance and I am now trying to persuade them not to take any action under the Noise Act 1996 or the Noise and Statutory Nuisance Act 1993.

As much as I appreciate the sentiments with your gifts over the last few days, my true love, perhaps next year we could just limit presents to a box of chocolates ….